“Not So awsm” Posts

Image  Because sometimes things suck.

Let’s be real here: My awsm Life is indeed pretty damn awsm, but not always.  That’s sorta the nature of Life.

For example, some of the “Not So awsm” issues/situations/things in my life are…

  • the fact that I am still trying to extricate myself from a marriage that has been dead for almost a decade (hell, I lived with another man for nearly a year-and-a-half at one point).  Between one thing and another, it’s damn-near impossible to officially close that matter.
  • the fact that my ex-spouse is emotionally abusive, and yet I am forced to deal with him all the time.
  • the fact that i have been unemployed for 2+ years, and have been told that my once-invaluable admin/secretarial skillset is “a dinosaur” due to the influx of Millennials who are capable of doing their own typing, computering, etc. And to add insult to injury, at 50+ (despite presenting as younger) with significant experience, I am part of an “un-hire-able” demographic — “over-qualified” and over-aged. Oh yeah, and no benefits means it’s safer for me to stay technically married so as to have medical benefits thru my ex-spouse.
  • the fact that having no cashflow means I have become functionally “semi-homeless,” staying a few nights each week with my Guy, a few nights with my Mom & Sister, and the remainder at my aforementioned ex-spouse’s house.  Granted, it’s a decent thing of him to let me keep my things there and stay there so as to have some sorta Home Base and to spend time with my sons, but it just puts me back in the line of fire with his never-ending abusive behavior.
  • the fact that i suffer from Dysthymia, a chronic low-to-deep depression, doubled with bouts of Major Depression (both conditions clinically diagnosed).  They can be treated/medicated, but despite having benefits thru the ex-spouse, because I am jobless, I haven’t the funds for co-pays, and so these conditions grind away at me.
  • and the fact that romantic/sexual relationships are never perfect, or exactly what we’d like them to be, becoming their own source of frustration and woe as well as being a positive focal point of my life.

So the “Not So awsm” part of my world is where you’ll find me venting, howling at the moon, WTFing, crying for help/support/validation while trying to retain a scrap of dignity, and generally bitching, pissing and moaning.  Dive right in, the water’s Not So awsm!


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